Urge

I need to be photographing.

Zunes? Anyone?

I bought a Microsoft Zune (super impulse buy) from woot.com because it was $150. It arrived yesterday and took me more time than I would have liked to set it up. The software is really buggy. Anyway, no one has these things. It's like a "why bother?" when you can get an Ipod. I don't know how I feel about it. If the next ipod blows my mind, I'll might just get that and give this to my sister.

Actually, Dapo had one for a while. I don't know why he bought it though, since he uses a Mac now and Zunes are not compatible with them. Anyway, he traded it to some guy for a ipod...

So I'm transfering trains this morning and sit on the R train. Low an behold, the woman sitting next to me is using a...Zune. Isn't that weird? I've never seen them before and the first day I have one, I sit next to someone on the train with one.

Maybe you don't notice things unless you have a reason to.

What is love?

Buying Crap

I was seriously considering buying a Macbook pro this holiday season, but now that I use macs at work I don't really need one. I still have some odd consumeristic urge to drop money on something [big] so now I'm looking at the next big thing- a HDTV! I'm determined to buy one but can't for the life of me figure out where I'd be able to set one up in my house. Can't really afford to buy one big enough for my living room. Besides, we have a perfectly good and huge SDTV there right now.

My room is kinda small and I really can't fit anything else in here, especially something as, well, flat as a 32" LCD. The only thing I can think of is clearing out my stereo (who uses those things anymore?) and cd/dvd rack and putting it on top of my drawer. That would be kind of weird too because my drawer is like 4 feet tall and I'd most likely be sitting on my bed (backwards) to watch the damn thing and I'd be looking up at it. Seems like a lot of trouble for something I really don't need or have space for.

Maybe I should just not buy one till I move out. Or maybe I'll buy it anyway and worry about logistics later! Consumerism at it's finest.

PS this whole HDTV thing spawned because I plan on getting an Xbox 360 soon- something else I have no need or time for. What the hell is wrong with me?

New Rilo Kiley = .....

I'm listening to the new Rilo Kiley cd Under the Blacklight right now, a full week early. I get perks like this working for the L now. And it's....different to say the least. I don't think I will like this album much, or maybe at all.

I've listened to it about 4 times through now and only 2-3 songs are even sticking out for me. The entire album sounds more mainstream (to be expected) with lot of repeating beats and background vocals. Most of are songs aren't deep (lyric-wise). She sings a bit in Spanish in one song for god's sake. No....just no...

I'll listen to it a few more times before declaring anything...

Need a Fake Name

I put one of my photographs in the newest issue of the L, but I don't want to use my real name to credit it. So I need a fake name. Any suggestions?

Dapo

So when I "went out" with that girl a few weeks ago, Dapo called me and started to ask me something about the Wii. i stupidly talked to him for like 2 minutes about it. Then when I got off the phone, I naturally asked "Do you play videogames?" which was one of the stupidest things I could have said to a girl I didn't really know.

That's probably where it started to fall apart. Fricken Dapo, always ruining ma game with the girls! And that's why I H8 U. I should really start learning how to not pick up my phone all the time.

Ceramics

I have all these pieces of ceramics around my house that I've traded with people from Alfred for and my mom has started to use them for random things. Yesterday I noticed a cup that was being used to hold pens and stuff. Tonight in the kitchen I saw a bowl that she filled with rocks and marbles.

I can't even remember whoso made those pieces anymore...at least their being used for something around the house. I actually need a new coffee mug. The one that Jenni Cooper gave me cracked after the use I put it through. Then it just broke.

McCarren Crazyness

Liz and I went to the Blond Redhead show yesterday at McCarren Park Pool. It's a free concert every Sunday with the "hottest up and coming" indie bands. This was a pretty big show, as Blond Redhead's new album has been pretty well received.

Pretty much half of the Williamsburg population (and their mom) was at this show it was so packed. The entrance to get in is at the main gate at the middle of the block. The line stretched from there to the left, made a U-turn back past the entrance and all the way to the right end of the block. Then it hugged the right side all the way almost to the end of the block. That's how long the line was. It took us about an hour on line to make it to the entrance.

There were so many hipsters (to be expected). It got pretty ridiculous standing there in line and watching all of them. Sometimes I wonder if they all still think they are "unique". Jackie says, "I think they do". If they do, they really are delusional.

When Liz and I got inside, we pretty much went straight to the beer line. The only beer to be consumed was (what else?) Brooklyn Brewery. I tried the Brooklyn Summer Ale and the Antwerp. I'm not really that into Lager anymore. Not on a hot summer day anyway, the taste is too distinct.

Blond Redhead was okay. Their music isn't something you can dance too so... After the show Liz caught a bus back to Astoria. Just then, Jackie texts me and says she's in the area. I sat down in McCarren and watched hipster kickball till she got there. The entire park was filled with "big-ass" foam cups, either in the trash or people sipping on them. They are all TO GO beers from the Turkey's Nest. They cost 3.50. "This is only 3.50! It's 32oz! That's almost 3 beers!", a hipster shouted out as we walked by me. No doubt, he just discovered the (awesomeness?) of Turkey's Nest. It's so funny because almost everyone in the park was sipping beer through straws in these big-ass foam cups. Awesome.

WillyB really is something else. It's sorta turning into Disneyland.

On My Creative State

If the [edit out]'s confuse you, it's self-explanatory why they are there. They obviously offended someone.

Today I was at Joe's for a bit and started to think about my photographic creative state. As most of you all know, I have been doing a portrait series for the past month and didn't know what my idea for them was. That has been on my mind a lot lately.

A few days ago, I talked with Jenny Link about that body of work and asked her opinion on it. We discussed it for a bit and I realized that she was the first person to give me feedback on it that wasn't empty. What I mean is, I got a lot of "great photos!" type comments on them, but nothing really helpful or meaningful until we started talking about them. I really miss that part about college.

That lead me today to the Barnes & Noble photography section, where I looked through books on photography theory. I'm at a point now where I need to be more critical about my body of work and where I want to take it. I want to be. They didn't really have any books on theory of portraiture; I probably have to look at academic journals or essays on that subject to really get some ideas on what a portrait can be and develop an idea for myself. So, I'm in a creative crisis right now, not that it's a bad thing. It's actually good for me because it is fueling my desire to get into a deeper meaning about photography and what it means.

Jenny said she liked my photos of the girls on the bed more than the ones on the beach. She says its more intimate and the photographer's presence is not felt as much as in the beach ones. The ones on the bed more closely speaks of the dialog and interaction between the subject and photographer for her. In the beach ones, she feels the photographer's presence a bit too much, ie she "sees" the photographer constructing the photo. She sees the depth of field, the composition, etc. and the background takes away from the subject. I understand what she means with the beach photos though. In a sense, they are half about the subject and half about the environment, I guess the idea there isn't as cohesive. It is true though, because I try to be at the beach at a certain time in certain light to "catch" it, so it does take away from the subject in a sense. Especially with the idea I have right now for beach shots, which I haven't been able to find time to do yet. They are becoming more and more about the environment in the beach shots. In a way, that series has started to place less emphesis on my subject and more on the environment.

I was disappointed with the beach the last time I shot there with Susannah because it wasn't the way I wanted it. The tides were not in my favor and I didn't get to shoot the photos I wanted in the water. I think I might head towards the direction of going over to people's houses and taking photographs of them in their personal spaces.

I am, however probably going to stop using close friends as subjects because it is becoming a huge lose-lose situation for me that is creating huge amounts of jealousy and tension. When I asked Jenny if she saw those photos she said, "You mean the ones of the Alamo girls?" which really just enunciated the entire thing perfectly.

[Someone got mad at me] because she thought I didn't want to take photos of her, which according to girl logic, [edit out]. Which of course, is NOT the case at all and is putting me in the position of having to justify who I choose and why, which I feel like I don't need to justify. She even asked "[edit out]?" like being a friend of mine on some level was a prerequisite of who I choose to photograph.

It is not a "who Adam thinks is pretty" thing, although it might seem as much. There are deeper conscious and unconscious reasons on who I choose to photograph so far, which I will not go into because that will just lead to huge arguments.

It's gotten to the point now where people are waiting/expecting me to want to photograph them or they get mad at me because I don't (and then they think I don't they they are pretty). Another person asked me if I thought [x] was prettier than them, which is so wrong on so many levels I can't even begin to de-construct it. I obviously can't say "no", and I wouldn't. I said "of course you are" and she doesn't believe me. Can't win. Don't want to deal with this, or let it get in the way of what I want to eventually do when I know what I want to do with this, so I am not using any more girls from that set. But I still reserve the right to, and if I do, I will not answer other people's answers of "why?".

To tell you the truth, so far I choose who I choose because at some point, an image of them in a certain way pops into my head and I wanted to capture that. That is the sole reason why I choose who I have so far. That's how the whole "white dress" thing started. I originally had also wanted a straw hat on them on the beach, but I haven't been able to find the one I saw in my head yet.

I have also been asked when photos of dudes are coming. I do have a person in mind to take photographs of, but I haven't been able to schedule anything with him yet.

Discussions with me on this post would be greatly appreciated.